A Little Acknowledgment Goes A Long Way

I see over and over again in my divorce cases the need of one spouse to be acknowledged by the other. Whether during collaborative team meetings, or in conversation with me alone, I hear them say, in one way or another, "I need to be recognized; I need acknowledgment of what I have contributed." WIthout that acknowledgment, there is hurt. There is a perception of being slighted or taken for granted that becomes a wound that persists through the divorce. How easy would it be to heal that wound? Sometimes a simple, heartfelt "thank you" is all that is needed. Sometimes there might need to be an exchange -- a giving of something in return for all that has been received. But it might not be much; it might, indeed, be much more modest than what was given. But as a symbol of gratitude, as an acknowledgment, it may put to rest the grievance story that says, "you just don't understand what I did for you; you just don't get me; you have failed to see and appreciate me."

I reference here the idea of "grievance story" explained in Dr. Fred Luskin's book, Forgive for Good (2002). If you haven't read it yet, do so. It is a thought-provoking and enormously helpful guide through the minefields of hurt towards forgiveness and peace.

Introducing FasTrack Divorce

Two Seattle-area family law attorneys have synthesized their combined years of experience in litigation, mediation, and collaborative law to create FasTrack Divorce™, a fast and final divorce option with a predictable fee structure.   In a FasTrack divorce, both spouses agree to use attorneys who will charge the same hourly rate, with the goal of keeping the total billable time to between 20 and 25 hours. The parties will exchange financial and other relevant information through standardized forms, and the case proceeds rapidly into mediation.  If the parties are unable to resolve all disputes in mediation, the case will be finalized through binding arbitration.  The case can be concluded within 100 days, if both parties follow the recommended schedule. 

I have become a participating attorney in FasTrack.  For more information, please visit the website at www.fastrackdivorce.com.